.....And we've just been treated to the Joseph Mega-mix. With the exception of a few, it was thoroughly enjoyed by everyone. Gav walked out and Ollie whispered "Save Me", but otherwise everyone was clapping and dancing.
Charlotte's been to the USA for two weeks, and today she came back. And what an entrance she made.
Charlotte during the Joseph Mega-Mix.
Life strewn with many a landmark, especially as you head into your 30’s. Marriages, Mortgages, Maternity….for me there is now one very important one to add to the list. Women, they can have children – we of course can share in that most wonderful of things and the beginning bit is always entertaining – but we don’t actually ‘make’ it do we. For men, we cannot dream of getting close to that kind of creation – and let’s face it the physical realities don’t really bear thinking about (if I do I get that sucking lemon face I make whenever I see Claire Sweeney on TV). But recently I was filled with a whole other type of joy, the primal kind you get from using your hands and working up a sweat, the delight of inner knowledge that you have been put here for a reason, the just plain satisfaction you get of a job well done. I built a shed and it was good.
The fact that the bits of said shed had been sitting at the side of my house for six weeks is a minor point, a sore one, as you could see it from the living room and my wife threatened to; get someone to build it/burn it/shoveitupmyarse on many an evening. But the day finally came, it took bloody ages, I had three separate splinter episodes but it now stands proudly in my garden. And it’s all mine. It has an opening window and everything. Yes it may be filled with garden equipment, yes it is cold and draughty, but it is the closest thing I have to my mourned for teenage bedroom. Superman has a fortress of solitude, I have my shed - I kind of want to put up a pg 3 calendar in there.
I now know the real meaning of MySpace, its not some on-line social connector ‘oooo, look how many friends I’ve never met’ website – for me MySpace is MyShed.
Posted by Graham
For some reason, which we can't really remember, at the end of January, Grumpy challenged the office to a pod decoration competition. We had a month to come up with an idea that would best reflect our personalities.
Judging too place on Thursday 26th February. It was a close fight, tears were shed and much baiting between opposing pods took place.
Team 1: Liz, Abbie and Ollie
Theme: Glamour pod (these guys work on Fortnum & Mason so are obviously ultra luxurious)
Effort: 10/10 - Decorated the previous night, laminated items and things bought in from home
Team 2: Nic, Lisa and Fred
Theme: The Jungle
Effort: 7/10 - lose 3 points for sending Fred our work experience blokey out to buy things 30 minutes before judging and therefore having "outside" help
Team 3: Gav, Charlotte and Jane
Theme: Weather/Gav's Moods
Effort: 6/10 - a last minute job but still points for theme and craft skills
Team 4: Emily, Ros and Lewis
Theme: Invisibility
Effort: 0/10 - OK, throwing a sheet over the pod at the last minute didn't score any points.
What do you mean you can't see the photo? It's because the pod is INVISIBLE
Team 1 were crowned victorious by a fierce judging panel of Grumpy and Tricia. Even though Tricia admitted that she preferred Team 2's effort afterwards. We think there was some serious bribery going on possibly involving mini eggs or cocktail sausages.
As the office manager you have to understand I get a lot of boring emails. I'd say 75% of my emails have a boredom factor of 8 or 9. This is just one example:
The thing is - the milk and magazines are delivered to the same place, at the same time, on the same day every single day. I don't need to be told that they "are here" because I know they are. Today I have deleted 128 emails telling me that milk and magazines have arrived. 1352 emails to go.
That email reminds me of a book I read a while back called E by Matt Beaumont. It's about an ad agency and is written entirely in emails. I really recommend it. There is a character in it, although I can't remember the name as I read it a while back, but they send pretty much daily emails out to the whole office complaining about the mess in the toilets, or the misuse of paper - things like that. I worry now that I am that person. I might have to re-read it to see if I am or not. This person is ridiculed by all her/his colleagues and I don't want to be tarnished with the same brush. (I also recommend Who Moved My Blackberry? by Martin Lukes and Lucy Kellaway.)
Reading through some of my emails that get sent to the whole office from me (I get them too as I'm on the distribution list) I am somewhat relieved to find that I haven't sent that many "I'm a self-important tw@t" emails to my colleagues. Yes, I nag them to clean up the dumping ground that our office often becomes, or have a go at them for not doing their timesheets, but thankfully it is not my responsiblity to clean or unblock the toilets and I actually couldn't care less if they misuse paper, as long as they tell me when it runs out so I can re-order some.
I did come across some funny emails, which I have filed in my folder cunningly named "Funny" rather than deleting them. I don't know why I keep them as a) it is highly unlikely I shall ever peruse the folder and b) it is even more likely that I will get sent the same jokes again many many times.
I will finish this post with my most favourite 'funny' email ever, the list of Office Dares. It has never failed to make me laugh whenever I've read it. I've yet to challenge the rest of the office yet though....
One point office dares...
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
7) Leave your zip open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9) While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
10) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Three point office dares...
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
6) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
7) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
8) Don't use any punctuation
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Five point office dares...
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
Posted by Emily
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